"O People of the Scripture! Now hath Our messenger come unto you, expounding unto you much of that which ye used to hide in the Scripture, and forgiving much. Now hath come unto you light from Allah and plain Scripture, Whereby Allah guideth him who seeketh His good pleasure unto paths of peace. He bringeth them out of darkness unto light by His decree, and guideth them unto a straight path." (Surah Al Maeda Verse 15-16)
I had a bit of a revelation last night. I was talking with a close friend about religion. We are both Muslim and were talking about how we both want to grow closer to Allah and start incorporating our beliefs into our lives more. We are in similar situations regarding our families, both surrounded by family members who are not Muslim and may get upset if they find out. While we were talking, something hit me, struck me deep in my heart like a ton of bricks. Who am I here to serve? My family? Or Allah?
How can Allah bring me out of my darkness and into the light if I deny Him? Obviously that won't happen. How is being a closet Muslimah helping my situation or helping Islam? It's not. So, I am put in a situation where I need to make a choice. My choice is simple. I will follow Allah.
No longer will I wait for my husband and father-in-law to be out of the house before I pray or read the Quran. I will stop cooking with haram foods. If they want bacon and Italian sausage, they are welcome to cook those foods themselves. I have two bottles of wine that were given to me in October of 2010 that are sitting in the cabinet in the kitchen. They are going to be poured down the drain when I get home.
I will become the Muslimah that Allah wants me to be. If my choice to follow Allah tears my family apart, then that just means that this was not the family for me to be a part of. It is in His hands. I figure this will either open my family's eyes to the peace of Islam, or free me to serve Allah better.
It will be a slow process, yes. I'm not going to be changing everything in one afternoon. But little changes, like ditching the wine and the pork in the house and allowing myself to be seen reading the Quran will start the ball rolling. May I be a positive influence in my home and to those around me.
And to my friend whom I confided in Saturday night, thanks. :) May Allah reward you for being there for me when I needed someone.